Hello Everyone!
So its Week 2 of maintaining my weight. And this week I maintained to the exact ounce of my weight! Much better than last weeks 3 pound loss. (But hey any loss is appreciated :D)
This week was kind of hard mentally. I am not sure what I want to do about my weight loss and I fretted all week about it.
I would LOVE to loose weight and be thin, healthy, fun, and active- insert any fun exciting word here.
But at the same time I'm scared. 225 was what I hung out at for years. Its my identity. Its who I am. I am back to being me now. But then at the same time I still feel like the really fat person weighing in at 260 pounds saying- I'll start my diet monday- no more fat pants! Umm this chocolate looks good- I'll start next monday. Then etc...
I feel like I haven't lost an ounce and its upsetting. Truth is though- I have lost 38 pounds. It doesn't feel real.
My friend Vera posted her status on FB a week or so ago saying "do you have those days where you feel skinny in the same skin you were wearing yesterday? " I have those days back and forth. Some days I feel fat the next I am thinking- Wow! I can hug my knees now! I haven't been able to do that for several years!
Almost all of my old clothes fit now. There are a few that are still snug that I bought a few years ago thinking -when I loose weight (from my 225) I'll look great in this.
So I am afraid to loose more weight and then not have all my jeans fit me and I will have to go buy clothes.
But shouldn't buying new cute skinnier clothes be a celebration?
So here is my conclusion! My body is not ready for a maintanence track. If it was then it would have plateaued and I have not had that problem yet. I am determined to forge on and keep shedding. I am going to break out of my comfort zone and not determine myself but my jean size.
I made my decision from yet another status from a friend on facebook:
If you're not being treated with the love and respect you deserve, check your "PRICE TAG". Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's "YOU" who tell people what you're worth by what you accept. Get off the "CLEARANCE RACK" and get behind the glass case where they keep the "VALUABLES". Bottom line "VALUE" yourself more...you are responsible for you..you are worthy...you alone are enough.
So this week I am not focusing on if I eat points to maintain or loose weight but rather I am going to focus on my confidence in myself. I am tired of fake it till you make it! I have a achieved a great accomplishment and I am pleased with myself for what I have done thus far!
Oh my gosh Katie i know exactly how you feel! After 50 pounds I still look in the mirror and think, did i even lose anything? Cause my mind still sees the old "fat" me. But you know what doesn't lie? Pictures!! Seriously, i find myself shocked at me in pictures. It used to be I would look in the mirror and see myself as thin, then in pictures I'd wonder who that fat woman holding my child was...ME! It did not match at all. Now I look in the mirror and think I'm still that fat person pretending to be thin, until I see pictures and realize I really do look the way I always pictured myself in my head!! When the pictures of you match the picture in your head...you're there! It's funny because about the same time I realized the two matched, my weight plateaued, it was like my body got to it's happy point that I'd been picturing for the last 10 or 15 years and knew it before I did! And I got to that point with eating too, now I just eat a comfortable amount of food and stop when I'm full and less carbs, and I'm maintaining just fine, i know if i want to lose more (which I too am dreading for fear of needing ANOTHER new wardrobe as well) then I can kick it up a notch, but for now, I've found comfort. You rock girl, you're gonna pass me up in no time!!!
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