What to do...

I am having a really hard time mentally right now.

I tried going running the other day with the kids in the stroller but it was so cold I could see my breath and my chest froze up. The stroller had a flat tire so it was difficult to push. The kids saw the park before I wanted them to so I only did a mile and then let them play at the park.

When I came home I took of my chest strap to my heart rate monitor and it broke. Costco has a GREAT return policy and since I had it less than a year I returned it for full price...But I had to give my watch back also that I depend on and it keeps my sanity.I NEVER needed a watch until I had kids.

At first when it broke I was really sad. But handing it over to the lady at costco...
At that moment is when I had a mini break down.

I have no gym membership...
I can't run with the kids in the stroller...
To afraid to run by myself...
And now I have no heart rate monitor...
AND No watch to keep time....

Costco doesn't carry that model anymore and the only other one they had was $170- I spent $50... I went to Big 5 But their only watch that would have worked was HUGE and bulky. Tried Best Buy, nada under $125.

The reason it is hitting me so hard is I am TERRIFIED of gaining my weight back. That's the Gillingwater M.O. Its what we do. We drop a ton of weight but gain it ALL back plus some. My parents, my siblings.. All of us.
When I graduated High School I weighed 250. I joined a gym with a Biggest Loser Competition. Dropped about 40 lbs. Met Adam a few months later, got married and gained weight back...Got pregnant- gained a TON of weight back.
Then I got on this path to loose weight.

I don't want to give up and gain like what so many people do!
I gave or threw away my big clothes so I can't go back- I WONT go back.

Over Thanksgiving I maintained weight- Phew!! And since I weighed in Monday I have lost 1 pound so I am down to 202.

So I am going to try my hardest to keep going. Its going to be really tough to push past my comfort zone of 200. But If I keep my comfort zone I think hmm I'm comfortable..I can afford to eat a little more ice cream. A little more treats here, there. Ugh! I NEED TO DO THIS!